2022 WRAPPED

For the past two years I've always written a paragraph or two about how the coronavirus changed our lives and how it limited us to the four walls of our houses, to those who actually had. I made sure to pay my respects to the ones we lost to the virus and to reminisce about the world as we knew it before it all changed.

This year is no different, well slightly, but not as bad it has been the past two years. We've grown from that, we've learned to adapt and live with the new normal. Now we have 'corona babies', who seem to be smarter and we have people literally making a living from Tik Tok and Instagram that took of during the pandemic. So yes, the coronavirus is still around and it's still not playing nice.

However, the virus didn't steal all the limelight this year and that's why I'd like to include some of the other issues making headlines, globally and in my personal life. I won't even pretend like I'm aware of all the political issues happening in the world right now, but some have had such a huge impact that the average person walking down the street will tell you their opinion about it. I can imagine people have had conversations around the dinner table about some of these issues, and this is my share of that.

Right now's not quite a good time to write because its been harsh and I've been stupid at times, but now also feels like the best time to take a moment and reflect on what a year it has been. To see what my brain has chosen to remember, what experiences have shaped me this year and moulded me into this young adult that I'm turning into. Now is a good time to pay my last respects to all the ones we've lost and show as much love as I can to the ones that are still around because life can be unpredictable and anyone can be gone at any time.

One single moment and one single decision can change everything and just recently my sister and I faced a near-death situation. We came home around 3 in the morning and just 45 minutes prior to that, our liveless bodies would have been flowing in the ice-cold water below the Tromsø bridge. A single step, a single decision would have woken Aunt Iselin, my parents and sister with the most devasting news they could ever receive. But we got home safely, cold but quite safe. Just that it didn't feel like we actually made it home alive, we started questioning whether we did make it home. Whether we really were alive? It was an insane experience, but I'm typing this right now and that surely must mean that we made it home safe, right?

My point is, we could always lose one another and sometimes people don't get a chance to say goodbye. That's why I'm grabbing this chance to say goodbye to this year and to everything and everyone that made this year what it turned out to be. One thing is for sure, it was a year of survival. A year that really taught me to learn how to get by and also to adapt to new situations, to new people and especially to remember some of the important things in life, like my loved ones.

It kicked off with the Norwegian government removing all restrictions in the hopes of giving back the people the 'normal every day', they had been longing for for so long. The 'please keep your distance' and '2 metres' signs remained for a while though because that had become our norm. Even in areas where we found ourselves free of any restrictions, coughing into your elbow felt like the right thing to do and walking close to strangers was calling for trouble. Brings me back to how 'normal' is relative and how over time, things change and that's the new normal, whether we like it or not.

IB examinations consumed the first quarter of the year, and boy did I work hard! All the assignments, all the tests and all the little science projects that we had going on in every subject really took up every last bit of my time, but at the same time I found some sort of balance between that, work and being social. It was good for me and it was good for the people around me, I think my host parents would agree that my second year was much better than my first and a lot of things contributed to that, epecially working part-time which allowed me to be more social.

We relaxed with the lightened restrictions and I could see Janneth more often and hug her without being super cautious. Slowly we got comfortable, walking everyday into the life we knew before the coronavirus. For a while it seemed like we would be okay, like the world would find its feet and be strong together again. It seemed like the only troubles we could ever have were bad WiFi connections and broken hearts, but I should have known better. How could I? How could we? When we are engulfed in our own little worlds? When we learned to be a little more selfish during the pandemic and only saw what was infront of us? Well, it was soon to be right infront of us that we couldn't miss it at any point.

The war broke out in Ukraine and all hell broke loose. In the start the conversations were about how horrible war in general is, we cried watching the news and seeing all those ordinary people being forced to flee their homes and their very ordinary lives. Some spoke about it as if it was the first war in decades, because it had happened right here in Europe among civilized people, I'm sure that was the term news anchors used.

Then the conversations went on to how sad the war was, not because war in general is a terrible thing no matter where it happens, but because it was happening to ordinary blue-eyed and blonde-haired white people with Netflix accounts. To some this was the main reason why this war was so terrible. Once again sides were chosen and the focus were things like racism and who's life is more valuable. At some point the war was disregarded because it happened in other countries too and nobody cared, why all the noise?

My then classmates who happened to be Russian faced microaggressions in their everyday as the war grew and time went by, even in a little town like Kirkenes. I saw every day how even though they opposed Putin with every vessel in their body, they were only seen as Russians, not people with own thoughts and ideas. I'm glad time has been good to them so far, and that they know that as long as they know their truth, they won't have to justify or explain themselves to people who have made up their minds about a whole country.

The war is still ongoing and that has led to a completely different normal. See, the world is connected and this affects that. Due to the war, our new normal has become 'an expensive world'. A world where we walk into the store with a few hundred bucks and walk out of there with two items. A world where we have gotten used to seeing almost double the amount on petrol and bensin prices when we drive past service stations, and we're getting used to it. African countries like Ghana and Zimbabwe are changing their policies on export of raw resources, calling for even more war. It's good for them, but it's always been a dirty game and I'm scared of what it could lead to. Deglobalization seems to be the new answer for many, and we know that any sort of change and hard and painful.

Still, this new norm has made it hard for people to take care of their loved ones. Many people are becoming incapable of taking care of themselves and their loved ones. I've seen the drastic change just here in Norway where electricity is so high during certain periods that we can't cook, shower or do any other activities that consume a lot of electricity. I've noticed how people have been more careful, even with Christmas decorations and how much money they spent on gifts. I know, some people still have it good alright, but most people don't and I'm one of them.

And as if that was not bad enough, people like me were reminded that we are a long way from home and that luck can only take you so far. See, until recently it was free to study in Norway, no matter where you came from. Well, blame it on the war, blame it on the high cost of living or on Norwegian politicians who want the best for their own, but free higher education no longer applies to students coming from outside the EU. That was the most devastating news all year and after crying for a couple of minutes, I realised that I had an assignment that was due the same day, there was no time to be shedding tears even if those tears were for a degree I might never get to complete. And that assignment would have been meaningless, but I handed it in and passed my exam. So in way I know that the next few years are going to be rough and 2022 only revealed the tip of the iceberg.

But the year wasn't all that bad and I want to make that clear, even during the inflation and the hardest times, we did get to smile. I, for one, visited my family for the first time this summer, three years after moving abroad and that was an experience of its own! I got to hug my parents and feel their smiles, their laughter and see their facial expressions without some network causing them to glitch on the screen.

I felt recharged, as if every cell in my body needed to be home for a while. I travelled alone and due to my bad planning skills, I flew back to Norway just in time for the flight strikes which of course messed with my flight to the north. Still, I made the most of it and got to travel through Sweden by train. It was a good trip and for me it counts as one of my solo travels, another story for my great grandchildren when I retire.

Like the change that happens every year, changing cities and starting university was the scariest and most thrilling thing that 2022 allowed me to experience. At some point it felt like I had no choice and I was just riding along and yet it felt like it was all on me, getting into the bachelor's programme I so wanted to and getting the part-time job as a waitress where I immediately knew this was exactly where I wanted to be.

But I've also learned so much about myself and have realised that there is so much I need to work on: like my terrible spending habits, my partying habits that seem to take off and often feel like a good escape when life gets shitty and last but not least, my extreme procrastination that led to me failing one of my modules, among other things. You see? It's been hard and I've been holding on by a thin thread.

So I've been strong too, having a horrible relationship with chemistry all my high school life and then enduring hours on end with chemistry in Norwegian. It's been tough writing lab reports in Norwegian when I barely know can write a good one in English. But none of that beats how insane it is having all my courses in a language I started learning three years ago and walking out of each lecture questioning how the hell I survived three hours in a lecture hall full of native speakers. Don't even mention how the thought of exam scared me, I always had this audio in mind: how would they know? (They would know by your use of immature language- feedback on a paper I wrote. Still, better than plagiarism right?)

I know, I lose it sometimes. But I try, I try as hard as I can and I know that I won't always get the As and the Bs, but using the language will never be an excuse because I've seen that I am capable when I work hard, that anything is possible when you make time for it. And the most important thing, that some of us always have to work a little bit harder for the things that we want.

Unlike 2020, this year was filled with meeting and greeting so many people. Maybe I should call it the year of new faces? The year of new friends and renewal of old friendships. On so many levels, this was a year that allowed me to see where I really fit in and what kind of people are always in my crowd. Yes, it is safe to say that I have an idea of who I want to be and that's why certain people and certain spaces have become irrelevant to me.

Speaking of which, growing up can be scary, but one of the things I love about it is getting to know yourself a little more even when you wake up the next day and start questioning your whole existence. I love some of the decisions one can make without feeling bad for others, I love me some room for selfishness because for too long I've been a people pleaser. The past few years? I've seen myself do me and 18-year-old me couldn't be more proud!

I will be lying if I said that I'm not worried about what 2023 will bring, at this point in time my mind is clouded with the modules I will be doing and the hours on end I'll spend on schoolwork. These are things we know: just try to make the most of it, prepare in time and study with others, but shit happens sometimes and we end up failing. I like the not giving up though, I like the kicking it until you make it, not kicking the bucket. It's too soon for that, we have places to be and faces to see.

There are so many pretty girls out there in the world and I fall inlove every single time I get to talk to one, see I'm a lucky girl like that. Equally, there are fine guys out there too and good drinks, all just waiting to be explored. For now? I'm trying to pass all my modules and try to be less human on the bus. For now I'm trying to get to know myself all over again because I might have lost it a bit, I may be a little too scared. A little intimidated by the future, so I have a lot to work with.

I still feel 21 and I feel like I will be feeling that for a while. I'm still single and having a good time, I guess I'm not a part of that special group who found their soulmates at 18. I'm still a sad writer with an odd playlist, Chopin being my most listened to artist in 2022. I'm still dramatic and forever arguing with Janneth. I always wondered what people meant by 'having conversations with people who sharpen your intellect', and everytime Janneth and I converse, I learn the wildest things or come forward with the most bizarre arguments or opinions about a topic that I even surprise myself. I can't even count the number of times I've had a discussion with Janneth and I think about how smart she is and how much respect I have for her. The arguing never goes away and it's not often that we agree, but the 3AM conversations with her are always worth staying up for.

I can't say enough how much I miss being younger and I'm sorry I have to put up with that now. I can't say enough how much I miss my friends back home, but I know they're doing fine and not everyone is meant to stay. I count myself lucky for having to know some people, it really was a privilege that I spent time with them when there are so many people in the world. I realise and appreciate that now.

I hope this year will be good to you. I'm wishing you good health, less debt and a stable mental health- don't be lazy. I hope whatever plans you have or not, will work out for you. 2023 feels a bit different and I'm not sure where I stand. As I mentioned, I'm a bit scared and I'm holding back a little, but it will be okay. I talk to my mom everyday and our relationship has been getting stronger. She is here and she says it will be okay. I believe her and so I believe I will be okay. I'm curious about what lies ahead. I really don't have any major plans now like changing cities or starting somewhere else, but now it's about growing where I am and that already is huge for me.

Thank you 2022 for making me a little older and wiser, for making me feel the Namibian sun on my skin. Thank you for showing me that I can mess up too, and that I can be great too. For letting me meet some really awesome people, even if it was just for a while. To all the other things that happened that I don't remember right now, they will always be with me. Thank you.

And to the new year, please be nice.

Love, Queen.