Gone But Not Forgotten...

"You'll soon be 12 years old and be in grade 6 then it's just one more year until you'll be a senior at your primary school!", she exclaimed and looked at me with pride and joy in her eyes.

I smiled back at her and thought of the idea of finally being 13 years old and being a senior in primary school, it was exciting. We spoke about how she would help me when the homework was too much because my dad was not always around and how I would pass on my knowledge to my younger siblings.

I am currently 20 years old and reflecting on that day when my step-mom and I had that conversation. She had no daughters so after my dad married her in 2009, my little sister and I became her princesses. At first we didn't get along at all because Janet and I saw her as the woman that wanted to steal our dad away from us but after the wedding and everything, we decided to give her a chance. I'm glad we did.

She turned out to be the best step mom, probably the only realest one we've ever had, so much so that we called her 'mama', we referred to my mom as 'mom' so that's how we differentiated.

I extracted a piece from my book on Wattpad where I talk about what happened to her, here it is:

That same year was a drastic one as well. I later learned that mama was pregnant again and that she was due in late October. All this happened in the year 2011. We were visiting for the long-weekend because at that time Janet and I attended a boarding school just outside Windhoek. When we got home that Friday, I learned that mama was in the hospital and that she was very sick. She also had Asthma.

We hurried over to her maternal-home. Just after we got there my dad took us to the hospital. I hadn't been to the hospital in a while,so the uneasiness was getting to me. I saw people with red eyes ,grieving over their loved ones. Other people in pain,some women beaten by their boyfriends and fleeing to the hospital as the healing spot.

My step mom was in ward 3. It was not hard to find her because the nurses immediately knew who we were referring to. Mama was in a small room, almost the size of a storeroom. There was a huge window next to her bed, where one could just stand and observe how life sometimes got too busy in Windhoek. The air smelled stale and of disinfectants. I saw a little door that led to the bathroom. The Katutura State Hospital was undeniably old. It still is.

The moment I saw her on the tiny bed, I felt weak. My emotions were getting the best of me and I did not want her to see that. We settled in next to her, after a few minutes we were laughing and smiling when she told us about how we used to treat her at first. I had grown to love her dearly.

A few days had passed. My dad decided to take me along that fateful day. That day I noticed that she had weakened. The nurses told us that she gave birth to twins,but one had passed away. The look I saw on my dads face was the kind you saw when your loved one was on the dying bed.

That same day,just after we left,my dad received a call from the hospital and he knew what the nurse was going to say
* * * *

It's been 9 years since we laid her to rest and I suddenly thought of her and how she always told me to be brave and speak my mind. My step-brothers and I are not that close anymore because after her passing, we just drifted apart..the whole family.

On another sad note, a week after I got here, the third born who was turning 17 in mid October was found stabbed to death just behind his grandmother's house. It broke my heart when I heard that and was even more sad that I didn't get a chance to say goodbye. But I will do that once I'm back home.

May their souls rest in eternal peace.

Suddenly I just thought of how lucky I am for having both my parents alive and wanted to ask you to appreciate yours too, even if you have just one right now. After my step-mom passed away, life became hard for my step-brothers because she was the breadwinner of that family, things just started falling apart. I'd like to urge you to learn to fend for yourself while your parents are still alive and at the same time show them that you appreciate them. You never know when it will all be over, no.

I know that my step-mom wouldv'e been glowing now and she is probably smiling down at me now, proud of how far I have come. I did a promise to take care of my younger brothers and by God's will, I will.

I love you mama...

hearts, Queen

#grieving #memory #death #love #family #kindness #innocent