"I couldn't fight back"

My high school hosted birthday parties for seniors to show the junior students some of the advantages and responsibility that came with being a senior. On my birthday, the school invited all my friends, cousins, teachers (they had to come anyway) and my family members that I wanted present. It was going to be a big affair as always.

Some of my friends put up a 'HAPPY BIRTHDAY RACHEL!" banner and I saw some aunts making salad and chitchatting with my teachers. The mood was vibrant and the house music in the background had gathered a group of boys on stage who were already giving a light performance before the main show. Tradition was that the birthday girl/boy would be called out on stage then crowned or I don't remember.. but I knew I had to be on stage in a few seconds.

As the host was about to call my name, I remembered that I didn't have my 'fancy dress' on. I got caught up observing what everyone else was doing and nobody even remembered that I had to get dressed. Anyway, I asked the host to spare me five more minutes.

The dressing room was just behind the stage and so I ran in to change as fast as I could. As I entered the room, I noticed that there was somebody in the room and that surprised me because I knew that the dressing rooms were reserved for guests only. There was a black girl, about my height and something about her screamed "dark spirit". She looked really angry for some reason. One moment I was trying to figure out why she was so angry and the next...

I felt her fist on my nose, causing me to bleed immediately. I felt her knees hit my stomach multiple times and I felt her pull me hair as she dug her nails into my neck. She kept hitting me in the face and stomach with her fists. She shook me violently, like she was trying to tell me something but it was obvious that her anger couldn't let her say a word.

My brain finally took in the situation and I realised that I had to hit her back too, but it's like my punches disappeared into the air. Only her punches and kicks were real and hard. I ended up crying because I didn't know what to do anymore. My tears flowed heavily and my eyes started to swell up, that's when it stopped. The beating. I looked up and I saw her face for a split second before she disappeared and left me all alone in the room, confused.

She was me. I was beating myself up over and over again like I hated myself or like I never appreciated myself. I cried when I understood what had just taken place. The message was crystal clear to me... I kept crying and crying, until I woke up, thus walking away from the dream. It was a dream! I still cried as I sat up in my bed and said a low prayer then headed for the bathroom. I was still sobbing when I got back into bed, the dream had really gotten to me.

hearts, Queen

#dreams