October Falls

All the leaves are gone.

I remember dreading that. Saying goodbye to the beautiful and bright orange, yellow and red leaves.

Gone. Just like that.

Now we have tall, grey and bare trees just wavering which ever direction the wind blows them. Once in a while I hear a whoosy sound of the branches being carried by the wind, but it doesn't come close to the rustling and moovy-shakey sound the leaves would make when the wind dragged them in her direction.

They endlessy resisted and eventually gave in, or so I thought.

Now its my turn, I'm following suit. I haven't lost anything and I'm not bare yet, but I'm also transitioning and adapting to the new season, the changes and every single day that disguises itself like a similar day when in reality I'be actually never had a day like that before.

That there is always something different and something new, I've been feeling that and I think its worth it to make it known that every single day is brand new.

I know, its overrated. Why? Because every morning I wake up with the same swollen lips, messy hair, bitter taste in the mouth and body aching for a stretch and yet, everyday these things feel different in the same way. It's weird.

Just like the leaves that would rustle more and be whooshy more, so was I. I would roll out of bed, resist and ignore all those things on sunny days and just grab the day. All that is slowly fading because my leaves are gone too, only branches.

Now I have little resistance and I go with the laziness of the day, its easier to stay in bed on those dark days. Its a delight, one I can't afford.

I'm collecting and recollecting my thoughts, recounting my actions and staring deep into the mirror, wondering what is becoming of she.

She's strange, she has that distant and sad look in her eyes. Yet she's so good at flaunting that smile, a smile that has become all too true that sometimes even she buys it.

October has come with his coldness, one slows her down but also keeps her fighting. So that she can make it out to the other side.

I have a lot to say and share, especially one certain event that has happened a few weeks ago but I'll write it the best way I know how when I get time. I know I would get penalised for writing such a long sentence, but here its freeflow. My kind of freedom.

Oh, and do speak up. Speak. Up.

Usually I learn that when I need help with something, I have a hard time even asking a question and saying what I mean. The teacher gets confused. I get confused and I just say, 'It's okay, I'll figure it out (like I always do)'. Sometimes it works and other times I really need help.

I'm out of here. Be good!

Love, Queen