Pure Sadness

The funny part is that I wasn't even guarded at all, I just stayed. I wasn't bothered by anything, I was free and I allowed myself to feel that freedom, allowed myself the laughter and opportunity to learn so much. Things I knew I would've probably never even heard of.

But then it happened, it came crushing down and all that joy within me was broken. I felt stupid all over again, blaming myself for being a dummy. Blaming myself for never learning my lesson and pointing at myself in the mirror and saying, "you deserved it".

I guess it's this way with most situations, you happy.. really high and then you really low. For me it feels like the lows take up more time than the highs and that might be because I let that happen.

Shit, all the emotions I'm feeling right now... I don't know. I don't even know if this will make sense once I'm done but it sure feels good just typing, hoping that it will make some sort of sense.

The way is still so long and broad, I would just be a really bad person if I gave up now and for once, caring about what people might say is pushing me to be tougher and better though I fail miserably almost every single day. Hell what, we all just trying to survive out here aren't we?

If this made no sense to you at all and you've read to this point then thank you, you are officially a reader that gives me the strength to try and write every single chance that I get. I get more chances but the writing is very selective, hope that makes sense.

NB: Feel like my last post was very blur, mixed up and playing too safe so I'll make a proper one as soon as I get time and hope that one will be better. Also, this post is about me being me everyday, lately. Don't take me too seriously.

hearts, Queen