Winter in the High North
I'm still not used to seeing crystals in the sky as I get off the bus, the blinding white that spreads below my feet into eternity and all I can do is walk on it with my little life. A life so small and meaningless that I've tried everything I can think of to give it meaning. That is me, the snow and beautiful crystals that make my life seem so small and precious at the same time.
Some days, particularly on snowy days, I observe how the snow falls in different directions. How there is no particlar way for them to fall, no particular size or direction, but they still fall. We don't expect them to be too small or too big, at least I don't. I don't expect all of them to have hexagonal shapes, like when I draw them because to begin with, they are too small to see with the naked eye. I have no expectations at all, nothing. Why then do I expect so much from myself?
To say the least, I am still taking in that snow is a thing. I am still taking in that it can get so cold and refreshing, especially when my nosehairs start to freeze in there. It's a pleasant feeling. I'm still amazed by how the snow packs itself on trees, rooftops and even on my head sometimes. It can be annoying, and cold too, but there are bigger thoughts going on in my head, I could be less bothered.
It's countless, the number of times I have stared out the window trying to fathom the sight before me during the winter. The white and endless snow that lies before me. The feeling of having snow in my hands, feeling it slowly melt away as my body radiates the little heat that apparently harms it. Does it? It does not give in without a fight, it melts away while making sure that my fingers feel its wrath, the bitter cold that will leave me running for warmth somewhere else. Poor, typical helpless human being. And just like that, nature shows me that, I am reminded that we might be the smartest beings on two feet, but man are we powerless!
On days when I wear my skinny jeans, I can feel the cold reminding me that it will always be tougher and stronger than me. I am reminded to humble myself, and be aware that I might not be as brave as I would want to be. Or on those days when I choose not to wear my winter shoes because I want to posssess some sort of fashion sense, not knowing that one can be fashionable with the biggest shoes in town too. It's all about how you paired it up. I couldn't be bothered at all, you see.
No, this is an appreciation post to the winter in the high north. One that I have seen has a tendency to bring people together, and just like that when the sun comes back, throw them out like Jonas was thrown out of the mouth of the shark. Thats exactly it. For a while we forget the world around us and are caught up in this little dark world of ours, for me, even the tiniest problem becomes a huge inconvenience and things are a little harder to solve. But alas, it gets better, it always does!
Winter activities are insane, and the view up here is one I will never get enough of. The hardest part is convincing myself to go out for a walk or something, but I know that once I'm out there, the cold is long forgotten and only the view and fun matters. Thats how it is. Have you ever seen those breathtaking sky pictures, but in real life? That's what every sunset is like up here, when there is any sun at all.
I've taken hundreds of pictures, all too similar but taken at different times over long periods of time. I've now given up taking pictures too, because I stare at the horizon and I let my mind wander off with the horizon, into the golden yellow-orange-red that seems to impress me every time like it was the first time.
Dressing up in large jackets and thick socks is the coolest thing during the winter, I have to admit that I've spend some money on buying jackets when in reality I could survive with one thick one the whole winter. On the other hand, I bought all of them at a really good second hand store, so hey, supporting local and keeping my bank account healthy. Two birds with one wallet, hehe.
My toes have felt the cold, we know it all too well now. I could try and try, but not even words will be able to express how that numbing cold always finds a way to disable my lower legs and toes, and make me wish for a warm bed. That is why I always stay loyal to my wool socks, pants and sweaters. Everyone bestfriend in the high north, even more crazy, that I've had to wear it during the late summer months too!'
No, the snowy winter has earned a special place in my toes, and stomach. Especially when I can feel the cold in my intestines and spine, like I said, I'm an overthinker. The minus thirty degrees have humbled me and reminded me, once again, of my little powerless life. I will eternally be grateful.
At the same time I am aware that the winters I experienced back home in Namibia were something of their own too, because it was more of a hassle to get warm clothes and be outdoors. Living in a shack of corrugated iron shack didn't even help at all to say the least, because the wind came in from all directions. When it got to minus three or so, my mom would tell us the night before to dress warm to school the next day, or stay home because it was just too cold. I'm glad I survived those winters, I know some people didn't.
With all that being said, I love me the winter now. I love me some snow and I love to just walk in the dark with the snow reflecting the light, and allowing me to reflect too. It's the coldest tranquility at its finest, and I see it as a blessing and a curse. Usually the latter when I am underdressed!
Enjoy your seasons!
Much love and snow, Queen.